However, I have reached a point in my life when I’m ready to bravely name what I truly want, without apology.
I stopped dreaming for a while. During that time I learned the value of acceptance and surrender. I know who I am now and what I need, maybe that’s why I woke up on New Year’s Day with a deep hunger running through my veins.
So I took some time to consider what I want from 2018 and beyond. I closed my eyes and ears to the world and finally listened to the message my beating heart has been trying to deliver for far too long. I dreamed dreams far bigger than any I’ve dared to dream before. I began by writing a list of all the things I wanted to commit to this year; you can see that list below. Then I made a second, shorter list of all the things I dream of doing with my life. The kind of things that will cause my heart pain and leave a huge sense of loss if I don’t do them.
So often our dreams are simply abstract thoughts. Writing them down is a powerful exercise but as I’ve learned, big dreams can get lost amongst the smaller day-to-day goals, which are often distractions. I looked at those two lists and for the next 48 hours I experienced a pounding headache I couldn’t relieve. Until I finally understood: I’m going to have to make some choices.
I’ve become adept at saying no to things I don’t want to do, but there are so many wonderful things I want to say yes to. Also, just as we all do, I have things I need to do to maintain a happy and healthy life: Sleep, nourish and move my body, be present in my relationship, stay on top of ‘life admin’, work and so on. Which really only leaves a small sliver of time to bring the big dreams to life.
One of the biggest dreams I’m committing to this year is to begin writing my book.
Which means I’m going to have to choose what I want to do the most from my list below, for example:
And so on. You can see how this works and writing a book is just one example.
There are so many choices you need to make if you don’t want your dreams to get lost in distractions. Sometimes those choices are hard and sometimes they’re easy. Sometimes those choices will disappoint the people you love the most and at times you’ll be disappointed when you need to say “No” to someone or something, in order to say “Yes” to your heart’s greatest desires.
The important thing is knowing you are choosing, otherwise you risk going through life forever busy, exhausted and always striving, yet never quite achieving what you truly want.
I’ve obviously got some choosing to do, so I’m leaving all the things I put on my 2018 list right here so I can look back in a year; I want to remember the choices I made, and where they took me.
© 2019 Esther Zimmer